I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
