he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
