Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
