the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
