What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
