Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
