At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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