i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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