i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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