doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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