wanna go halves on a baby?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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