Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
