I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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