He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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