Don't you send me to vm
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
