i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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