Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
