You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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