Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
