Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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