i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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