you traded sex for a burrito?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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