I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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