He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
