Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
