ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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