at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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