Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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