Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
