You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
