Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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