Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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