we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
