I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
