Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
