Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
