matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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