ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
