I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
