the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
