please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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