I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
