Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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