i came on her dog
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
