Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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