I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
