i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
