Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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