if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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