When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
