ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
