I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
