At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
