well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
