so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You ruined the universe
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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