Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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