Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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